I have a confession to make. When you read most of my reviews, you probably are thinking "That idiot cityhuntr probably never even owned these games. That jerk and his emulator things."

Well, you were right all along, until now! Back in the old days when I had an NES and stuff, there were two games I could always fall back to when I needed some fine "Olympic" action. One of the games was Track and Field II. A fine game for the most part. Then there was World Games. Please forgive me, for I have sinned. Even though I was way too young to understand the legacy of Epyx, I must be punished for owning and honestly enjoying this game. I'll punish myself later. I imagine the punishment will be amazingly terrifying, like I might draw the logo of World Games on my eyeballs with a permanent marker. Then I will have to look at a blurry World Games title screen for the rest of my life, rather than actually seeing anything. Jesus Christ that will suck. But I deserve it.

Anyway, World Games is pretty much the California Games, except it is in the world. At first you might think this means that World games is about games nobody plays. Wrong! Epyx mysteriously manages to get some of the games right. The think is that some of these games are from places nobody knows about. The sort of places that may be on some other plane of existence due to nobody knowing where they are. There are many exciting events to participate in, let me tell you. Before we begin, let's see who the contestants are!

Contestant number 1! FBIT! Contestant number 2! DRSS!

Such fine competitors. FBIT from The USA tells us that his name stands for "Fuck Bitch". What fascinating information! He also told me that he is in love with Contestant number 2. Before getting into that whole gay thing, I just quickly moved onto contestant 2. DRSS informs us that he is the best at Q3 and CS. I'm not sure what that means. I think it is some kind of Russian talk in regards to sexual relations. In any case, we quickly got to the games. That is what this is all about, isn't it?

Weight Lifting - You will be introduced to many exciting terms and techniques of weight lifting here. For example, the "Clean and Jerk". I have no idea what that means, or how it allows you to life weights without killing yourself. Hey, that gives me an idea. I should break my back to punish myself for liking this game. Well, maybe not. In Weight lifting, you are a nexus character except with normal skin color. You also have a lot of muscle and look like a caveman retard. The process weight lifters use everywhere in the world involves pressing directional buttons at certain intervals. If you succeed in doing this, you will receive three scores of yellow. Yellow apparently is good.

The true revolution in Weight Lifting is that your colors do not matter at all as long as you actually lift it. Also, your guy cheers after the scores are given. But I don't really know how he knows to cheer, as the lights are under the stage, where he would be unable to see them. Whether or not it could actually be considered a cheer is questionable, as the cheer looks similar to his angry retard animation.

Barrel Jumping - This exciting sport originates from Germany. My history books report that the Germans used it to break both their skulls and barrels in the process. They broke the barrels for emergency firewood or something. The skull fractures were a very small price for some heat.

Barrel jumping in World Games features you as a small blue man. You must press left and right constantly to run and then you press some button to jump over the barrels. One of the most groundbreaking features of Barrel jumping is that you can set how many barrels you must jump over. The default three a little too easy for you? Want the maximum challenge, try adding 19 barrels. Oh wait, even with cheats you can't jump far enough to clear that distance. You can tell you have a great game when you can set impossible goals for yourself. But nothing is more amazing than the number of ways your guy can screw up:

Land on ass.	Land on barrel, somehow causing it to propel into the air.	Slide on the ground like a fool.

Belly flopping from over 200 feet in the air has never been so much fun.

Cliff Diving - What better way to have fun than to jump off a high cliff into dangerously shallow water? That's the name of the game here in Cliff Diving. First you select your starting height and then fall. You must avoid the rocks, too, or else you'll meet a terrible fate! Actually, it isn't all that terrible. After all, free falling for more than a few seconds and then smashing into the side of a cliff is nothing to worry about when you are a professional Cliff Diver. All you do is swim back to the top as if nothing happened, and try again! There's also some kind of bird to laugh at you when you screw up.

One way I can punish myself for having liked World Games is to do some cliff diving of my own, except there won't be water involved, just the cliff. That might be a bit too brutal for spectators, though. There sure will be a lot of spectators at my punishment, you see.

Skiing - Some generic skiing game where you go between these flag things. It's pretty impossible to actually play. I don't feel like talking about it anymore, and you should be thankful.

Log Rolling - Are you a lumberjack and that's okay? If so, you'll love Log Rolling. This sport involves Mario and Luigi standing on a log in the water. They attempt to make each other fall into the deadly shark infested waters.

"Yes.." Mario sighs, "I killed'a my brother, Luigi!"	"I'm'a Luigi! I'm'a number one!"

Oh, those two brothers! Always trying to kill each other! That's one of Nintendo's best kept secrets: Mario and Luigi really hate and want to kill each other. Sort of like how I want to kill myself for liking this game.

Bull Riding - I honestly don't know what to do here. No matter what, the bull always stabs my guy in the ass. Cowboys sure are silly. Damn Elmer. According to the game description, Rodeo clowns attempt to attract the bull away from the downed rider. However, in this game, there are no clowns. I can only assume if the game didn't cut away so soon, we would be seeing a gruesome slaughter of the cowboy. Once again, a fine idea for my punishment.

Caber Toss - Theoretically this game involves tossing, but I can't be sure. Like nearly every other game in World Games, this one involves pressing left and right constantly. The thing here is that you can't go too fast or too slow, as the "Caber" will either smash you into the ground or smash your feet, even if it doesn't appear to actually hit your feet.

WHOAH THERE	CAUTION: FEET IN DANGER

Sumo Wrestling - Everyone loves Sumo Wrestlers. But do Sumo wrestlers love each other? This game proves that they do! The point in Sumo Wrestling is unclear to me, but I think it involves running at your opponent and pressing buttons wildly until either you force the opponent off the field or someone suddenly becomes airborne for unknown reasons. I'm not sure which of these conditions is considered a win for you, since I'm usually so busy button smashing that I sompletely skip the message that would normally tell you what the hell happened.

As for my punishment, I am indecisive. Just e-mail me at the e-mail address seen at the bottom of the front page. If there is a good punishment mailed, I'll do my best to try it.