"A Week of Garfield" truly is a very grotesque game for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Garfield: Caught in the Act is much better. However, it is much better only in the way that 6 year old food might be healthier than 15 year old food. As you can tell, the depths of hell are well inhabited by these two Garfield games, since no human sin can match the horror that is Garfield gaming.

What could possibly be the plot of a Garfield game? It turns out that Garfield somehow destroys the television. He decides that he must fix it before John sees it. We are presented this information through comic strips like the terrible one shown below. There is some artistic quality to the comics, but they are generally terrible, like Jim Davis was continuously punched in the face while trying to draw them.

Odie is pretty thoughtless

Garfield suddenly becomes discolored

Garfield puts the television back together, but it is pretty messy. After throwing "extra parts" behind the couch (I'm sure no one would find them there!) a strange monster appears and forces Garfield to go into the television, which through the course of the game looks completely normal and not shoddily put together. Why spare parts would become monstrous beings is uncertain. In any case, Garfield is now forced to go through many stages for no reason. I guess the game might reveal these truths in the end, but the game is extremely frustrating, so we'll never know.

Stage 1:		Pizza fresh from a dead person's casket! Yum!

Stage 1 of Garfield's television career (get it!!?) consists of him becoming some sort of formally dressed man who equips himself with a torch and skulls to throw. These deadly weapons can defeat any foe with one or two hits, except the dreaded Count Slobula! It is good to note that 99% of the stage takes place outside of the castle, and only one area is dedicated to the castle is the room where you fight the boss. Some of the enemies you will face here are extremely frightening! Like skeletons, and ghosts!

Skeletons are very frightening! Garfield's damage animation is the best part of the game.

The items you get for health restoration are burgers and pizza. Sort of like in Captain Novolin, these items are just laying around for the taking. Who cares if they could have possibly been out unrefrigerated for days, right? In some cases, pizzas will pop out of caskets, what a tasty treat for dead people to leave for adventuring fat cats! Also involved is a coffee cup which makes Garfield invincible for an unremarkable amount of time! He shines a slightly different color when this is happening to him! Amazing graphics. Pooky also somehow gets involved by acting as a save point to continue to when you die. Lastly there is a mallet which you use to play some silly minigame at the end of the stage. The end of the stage is signified by a giant remote control, and then, OH GOD, you must face the truly evil Count Slobula!!

OH GOD THE TERROR! THE HORROR!

Count Slobula attacks by making three bats fly around the screen randomly. He also likes to fly at you, and for some reason it is more difficult to avoid him than you would think. He is defeated by sunlight. You must open windowblinds to fry him up with the powers of god.

Talent on loan from GOD!

Do this three times and suddenly a remote control appears! You can use this to go to the next area! But if you collected the mallet, you get to play the retarded minigame. This game allows you to use your six-button genesis controller to hit people with the mallet. At least I think it's a six-button thing, the game makes no real sense, so I don't know. When I encountered it, a bunch of Garfields came up with the message "Don't hit me!". I hit him anyway, because I was desperate and confused at the time.

You'll also notice that this game takes place on the television's poorly rendered board. What a safe place to a play a game where you smash things!

Stage 2:	Nudity is annoying
	UWAA!

For some reason up until now I always read that stage title as "Revenge of Orangebread." This is unusual since I am typing this in the middle of the night and I am damn sleepy. This reminds me of a time when I was reading for school and this author briefly quoted a review and it stated that it was a "marginal review" but I was similarly sleepy at the time, so I read it as "magical review." Isn't that wild? The human mind is crazy. Or maybe it is language that is crazy. I should post some sort of poll which asks which is crazier: language or the human mind. I'm sure you all would say something like "oh but language is the product of the mind, you idiot" but I say this to you: "Yeah? OH YEAH? WELL IF YOU ARE SO SMART AND KNOW THE ORIGINS OF LANGUAGE, SEE IF YOUR GOD DAMN KNOWLEDGE OF SUCH THINGS PREVENTS ME FROM STABBING YOUR TONGUE WITH MY SUPER STRONG DENTIST-ADHERED DENTURES OF DEATH!" and I would kill you by biting your tongue really hard until your body would not be able to function any longer. Whoah, what's going on here?

Enemies of stage 2 consist of yet another skeleton (who says "aarg" while throwing his head at you) and several other hazards like vines which hurt you only if you touch the bottom of them. As you might have noticed above near the stage introduction graphic, theer is a naked bird there. It turns out that hitting birds with a wooden sword makes them naked. I'm not sure exactly how that works, but I don't know anything, anyway. HERE IS A MONKEY!

waaoooo!

The monkeys attack by throwing bananas at you. There's no real reason to attack you, other than they are monkeys and monkeys always attack you with things like crap and sometimes food.

Garfield is afraid of pirate ships, but that burger floating in the sky is very appetizing. What to do?

Avast! And I don't mean the virus scanning program.

Garfield might have a mediocre movie, but this is definitely something to ARGH over. This is also the end of the review because I am tired of typing.