Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka of Somethingawful.com happened to have a house right next to mine. This didn't seem particularly troubling or surprising, but I visited him to see what was going on. His house was a replica of my own, so I looked around for him in the places I would suspect him to be, but he wasn't home. His computer was unattended, so I went ahead and used it for some minor tasks before leaving.

Back at home, I had some business with a new guest in my house, who happened to be a gnome. We talked and fooled around a little. Particularly notable was that he pointed out the backyard from the window, and there were suddenly hundreds of large mushrooms all over the place. The gnome had apparently eaten many of the mushrooms and was quite full, which made him sleepy. He climbed up onto my old bunk-bed which I had in the closet and quickly went to sleep. To avoid disturbing him, I returned to Lowtax's house. He was home now and using the computer, but he paid absolutely no attention to me. I sat down in the living room, but then some goon lady about my age approached and sat on my lap with dangerously flirtatious intentions. Before I could say anything, she grabbed me and pulled me out of the chair. Like I was her new slave, she pushed me outside of the house. I was forced to grab the mail from the mailbox and then return it to the house, and I did all of this while trying to say funny one-liners along the way. After I had delivered the mail, the woman released me, so I ran away as fast as I could. The woman and someone else pursued me, but I was too fast and locked myself in my house. It had become night by that point, and I hid fearfully in my room.

I was afraid that they would break into my house and assault me. I did my best to avoid sight, such as staying away from windows, keeping the lights off, and other such things. After a time it seemed that they were not coming, so I left the room and went downstairs. Unfortunately, I looked out the back door's window and saw that the motion-sensing light had turned on. It became clear from looking out the window that some goons were planning to break into the house with weapons of some sort. I then turned to find my parents in a hallway. It seemed like they were opening several boxes, but I couldn't tell what was going on. I tried to tell them that we had to do something about the goons, but they responded that it was nothing to worry about and nothing needed to be done. At that point I become very afraid and suspected them of being in line with the goons to destroy me. But then I woke up, so I didn't have to worry about it anymore.

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